My partner is an Aries and I'm a Pisces, does it mean we're incompatible? Scorpio woman and Cancer man? Are Libra and Aries a good match?
Every single time I give my followers the opportunity to ask me a question, the question of compatibility comes up about a hundred times. I understand why, and I would love for it to be so easy, but it's not. If I could give you a barometer telling you just based on your Sun and Moon which partner is for you, I promise I would. But anyone who pretends to be able to do that is lying to you and preying on your fantasies.
The fact that you and your partner, or crush, or friend, have "incompatible" Sun signs does not mean much about your relationship.
In fact, I don't know if you've ever come across it, but there are some Astrologers who conducted a study and analyzed the charts of married people and compared it with the charts of random people (aka a randomized study). The study is long and is not perfect, but I did read it and sacrificed a few hours of my life and sanity to go in the details of it. Turns out, there is one truth about Sun signs, it's that you are more likely to marry someone who is born within the same 10 days window as you. Besides this twin birthday fact, there is no particular set of Sun sign that is more likely to be your wedded partner.
And as Astrologers, we've known that for a while. We've preached it, over and over, but no one is interested in what we have to say because it's not sexy. We want clear cut answers that are easy to read and reproduce. I get it. But that's just not a realistic view of humans and of their relationships.
Now you're asking - Ok Julia, then how do we know if we're compatible with someone? Tell us???
And I will, as soon as you drop this fantasy of Sun sign match, fair?
#1 Emotional responsiveness
Healthy relationships, whether friends or romantic, are made of emotional safety and emotional responsiveness. Love has been described by many as the ability to "feel" each other. You feel loved when someone can either anticipate or respond to your emotional reactions and needs. This is the realm of the Moon.
The study I mentioned did show that people with Moon conjunct Moon were more likely to get married, and this is something I've witnessed as well throughout my Astrology practice. People with compatible Moon are very much so likely to be in a happy relationship. Of course, do note, this is NOT a clear cut answer because if your Moon receives very difficult aspects, such as an aspect of Pluto, or Neptune, then your partner inevitably comes reactivating this response in you if their Moon is on yours. I know it sounds complicated, but if you ever tried dating, you're aware that in fact, it is complicated.
Overall, a fluid connection between your Moon and your friend/partner Moon is very much so desirable. You can also find different sets of Moon connections, such as Moon-Venus (very tender), Moon-Mars (very sexual but can be volatile depending on chart and signs), Moon-Jupiter, Moon-Ascendant, Moon-Jupiter. Double whammy aspects (repeated twice) are best because ultimately we want a relationship that is connected in both ways.
#2 Healthy communication
Again, Mercurys that are communicating with each other are often easier. I've found that couples with same sign Mercury often struggle MUCH LESS than other couples, as they naturally have the same type of perspective, although of course, their respective charts will bring enough differences to keep things interesting, dating someone who has Mercury in Virgo (detailed, slow, analytical, zoom-in mindset) when you have Mercury in Sagittarius (big picture, cut corners, fast, messy) can be really difficult in itself. Again, if you're someone who is Mercurial and intellectual, this is going to be a dealbreaker for you as you'll be pulling your hair out trying to communicate with your partner or friend. If you're more so a feeler, and perhaps don't put as much focus on intellectual connection, then you might do just fine with the challenge.
#3 I see you
The Ascendant is a very important part of compatibility as it really binds two people together. Typically, having Sun, Venus, Moon, Mars or Jupiter on the Ascendant gives a strong attraction and pull towards each other. However, if you have Saturn on someone's Ascendant, you might find it very difficult to not constantly criticize them. Neptune would tend to make the person blind to the Ascendant person, forever forgiving and accepting.
#4 Expanded world
Jupiter in positive contact (trine, sextile, conjunction, even opposite) to personal planets is very sweet, both in terms of friendships and romance. In fact, I believe in the study I mentioned Jupiter trine Sun was one of the most common inter-aspect in the chart of the wives (Jupiter on the husband's side, Sun on the wife's side). Jupiter tends to create a sense of being optimistic, uplifted, expanded by the connection, and so whether we're speaking of friendship or romance, having positive Jupiter contacts to your personal planets will show that the relationship gives you a sense of opening yourself up to the world, enlarging your world, which is typically what good relationships create. Jupiter also represents growth and when you find positive Jupiter contacts typically there is a feeling of being blessed by the relationship and a feeling that it helps you grow.
#5 Safe relationships
The more contacts you find from the outer planets, the more difficult the relationship tends to be. Pluto, Uranus, Neptune and to some degree Saturn although this guy is a little different - The fewer aspects you find from the outer planets, the better. The outer planets stir you in your loins, oh yeah, you can get the butterflies alright, but these relationships tend to be overly complicated, dramatic, traumatic, and "karmic". If you have one conjunction of Pluto or a trine to Neptune, that's fine, but if you see a relationship that has a whole lot of outer planets connections and a lack of inner planet interactions, you're probably not in for a great time. Plutonian relationships have to do with addiction to each other and they usually leave you feeling empty and ruined, Neptune relationships are about romantic bliss that often ends up being an illusion - but that's also a large component of being in love so as long as Neptune is not too harsh you can expect finding some, and Uranian relationships are fun and exciting but tend to lack the safety needed for a healthy relationship. These are generalizations, I'm sure some readers are worried about their relationship reading this - please assess your existing relationship based on how you FEEL and not on the placements.
#6 Truths and Myths
You heard that Moon-Sun and Mars-Venus are necessary for romantic relationships right? Well, turns out that the relationship study I looked up showed that Mars-Venus is not at all present in married couples, the only significant aspect was Mars trine Venus, in lieu of the usual recommended "Mars conjunct Venus". For having had it myself in previous relationships, I definitely did not find it to be what it was hyped to be - sorely disappointed.
Juno and the Vertex were found to be very high indicators of compatibility, especially in women's charts. Juno-Sun and vertex-Sun were the highest, followed by Vertex-Ascendant. Juno conjunct Juno was also a highly ranked aspect.
If you want to dive into your synastry, it goes a little deeper than that. Much deeper than that. But you can get started by reading my synastry overview blog post. Or you can learn Astrology yourself, by joining my power-packed 6-week online Astrology class